| Holy shit shitters. |
[02 Aug 2004|08:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
TBS |
] |
I like TBS! I admit it!
I want to be cool again!
I miss the good music. I try to make up for it with pop and hip-hop and it's not. I don't feel the music like i used to. Like when i went to shows, bobbed my head, moved my body to it. And felt it running through my veins. I miss that so much! I miss not being able to hear anything afterwards because it was so loud inside The Mission. And I always never had any money. I'd either beg Autumn to pay for me to get it, or try to mooch off of Mom or Dad. And shit shit shitter, I always wanted to buy merch, but I had no money and I got so pissed off. I remember taking a picture with the dude from Eighty-D and him telling me I was cute, and him saying he was going to put it on the site. I looked a little while after, but never found it. Whatever, though. They weren't that good. I did buy the CD. Don't ask why.
|
|
| Good Morning |
[04 Jul 2004|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Remember When" Allan Jackson |
] |
Don't ask me to do anything, I'm depressed.
Don't ask me why, either. 1. I don't know. 2. If I did, I wouldn't want to talk about it.
Alyssa is at Annie's party. Yay.
I had to babysit Dad, again. Yay. There is never anyone around to talk to when I'm this lonely.
I wonder what's going on. Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I do. Don't know.
Whatever. I'm going to finish this thing that I'm doing. Bye.
|
|
| I'll be your naughty girl. |
[18 Jun 2004|11:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tech 9- It's Alive |
] |
I screw things up alot.
I'm 17.
I actually slept in. I did wake up once, though. I left my curtain open last night and when the sun came up the birds started bitching and woke me up, so I threw a blanket on the cage and went back to sleep until 10:30. That amazes me, because I never fall back asleep. But- I did and its all good. Tomorrow is Nikki's party, should be a lot of fun. Hopefully Alyssa can go with me, otherwize I think I'll be pretty lonely. I plan on staying there kinda late so I hope that she can, too. I want to dance, too. So hun, we'd better dance. Totally.
Anyway, yeah. I was just reading a bunch of shit from a little while ago and started crying.
Life- is going by too fast. Seriously. The last birthday I really remember was when I was turning 12. It's depressing. Now, I have to think about college, or no college. AND I need to get senior pictures soon. And I dont know how I'm going to end up doing that because Dad has no money, so I NEED a job, right now.
Anyway, I'm outta here. I'm going to call Alyssa and apoligize for being a bitch.
|
|
| Hmm.. |
[08 Jun 2004|09:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slacker- Tech 9 |
] |
Memories:
1. Riding Kelly's bike with him, falling off the back and getting a screw stuck in my leg.
2. Autumn always complaining that Kelly stole her bike.
3. Riding over to Kelly's and being told my Gramma that he died.
4. Throwing a fit around my room and trying to hit a lightbulb with a baseball bat because I wanted him back.
5. Driving with Autumn and dancing to N*Sync.
6. Getting my license.
7. Sneaking out of Alyssa's house.
8. Losing my virginity.
9. Getting stoned with Autumn, Elliot and was that Cole or Kent? And then parking funny at SPR.
10. My first show with Autumn.
11. When mom told us she and Dad were getting a divorce.
12. When Autumn left right after Mom did and me being the only one left and wanting to leave myself.
13. Not knowing where to go.
14. Being left at a party.
15. Getting drunk and not knowing what was going on.
16. My first best friend. (Erin McMurray)
17. Going to State freshmen year and being SO pissed off because I did really bad.
18. Hugging Mr. McCarthy for the first time.
19. Mr. McCarthy telling me everything will be okay, and to take out my frustrations on track and jumped a 6'1" longjump.
20. Finally changing my life. *now
|
|
| i hate crying... |
[30 May 2004|06:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
how do i say goodbye to what we had
the good times that made us laugh
are waving bye
i thought we'd get to forever
but forever is gone away
its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
i dont know where the road is going to lead
all i know is where we've been
and what we've been through
if we care to see tomorrow i hope its worth all the pain
its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
and i'll take with me my memories
to be my sunshine after the rain
its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
and i'll take with me my memories
to be my sunshine after the rain
its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
|
|
|
[30 May 2004|05:56pm] |
ooooooh! it just boils me that she was trying to call him while she was with me. and what we were doing. not cool. talk about breaking someones heart. just his name kills me inside. its so hard to say goodbye to all the memories.
this. is so hard. i feel like i'm on the bachelorette. like, i have to be better than someone else.
i cant. stop thinking about them. i cant take this pain. my heart keeps breaking over and over again. i'd love to have her all for myself. but instead- there is someone who is leaving anyway. zkg;ihkES: IgSIH! why cant i just.. stop it. why? she said we'd try again, but this waiting is whats making me be so stupid. because- she could be with him at any time. and i'll be left here, with false hope.
its like, my heart has died.
why cant she just- drop him and come to me?
|
|
| Fuck. |
[29 May 2004|05:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Me singing "I don't give a fuck" |
] |
Guys-
Believe it or not, I can handle my own relationships, I can decide for myself who I want to be with. And that- is Alyssa. Even though we arent together and probably won't be beacuse I was a big ass, I still want to be with her. Even though you're relationship with Adam didnt work out, Autumn, doesn't mean that this one won't. And Alyssa, even though things don't seem well now- try having fun with OTHER PEOPLE if thats what you want. You want to see what else is out there, but you are still around the same people, but me. I realize I'm annoying. I realize all I do is whine. Don't hold that against me, because there is a lot more good than bad in me.
I love you, I do. You told me you thought we shouldnt talk, I tried and you complained about it. What am I supposed to do? Guys- If all I am is a big bundle of shit, why not kill me?
Love, Brandi
Now- off of that and on to what I'm going to say: My feeings; I feel like no one cares. No one in the whole world. There's too much going on in my life for me to handle, and I don't think I can take it here anymore. I don't think I can handle fighting, I can't handle taking care of Dad, I can't handle seeing him in so much pain. I can't handle not being with the person I want to be with and seeing the guy I HATE all over her. It's not fair. Why can't something in my life go right? Why can't someone care about what they are doing to me? Why can't someone call me up- and say they are sorry for all the hurt they've ever put into me. For all the times they said something hurtful? Oh- because it wouldn't be like them, or because they don't like to. I can't stand this anymore. I can't take it, and my head is about to explode. Tonight, I'm going to go out with people- sit in a corner and not have fun.
Today though, like- earlier. I pissed people off. Oh well. It's not like I hacven't been pissed off before. Nick, as for the "piss-off" comment. I don't give a shit what you say. You aren't someone who is going to impact my life. Alyssa, as far as you hanging up on me, yelling at me, getting mad at me and not acting like you cared at all how I felt but expect me to care how I make you feel. I still love you. And I still want to be with you. Kelsey, and for you, telling Alyssa I was looking at her. Big deal, I will look at her if I want to look at her. Alex, don't tell her just to hang up on me, its not your business. And anyone else who doesn't give a shit whether I live or die: Neither do I.
|
|
|
[28 May 2004|12:22am] |
|
I'M GOING TO FUCKING STATE FOR THE 100 HURDLES AND! THE 800M RELAY!!
|
|
| dude, that was tnt |
[27 May 2004|07:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
So yesterday me and Alyssa went to Point, and got her a couple fishies. I thought we had a good time eating, and stuff in the car. I guess now I really see that she cant because of the situation we were in and i was begging and she still said no. AND she cried, and I hid all my tears.
Today is Sectionals!! Our 800 relay team is placed 2ND! THATS AWESOME! Hopefully we can get to state then. Everyone really wants Nikki to be able to go to state because she's been working her ass off and its her last year, she really deserves to go.
But- I'm going to head off and drive off really slow.
|
|
| objection |
[23 May 2004|03:44pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Used- On My Own |
] |
its almost 4 and dad isnt home, yet. and he'd better get here because i told him me and collin have practice at 5. me and the kids cleaned the house today. i'm not really sure why. maybe i did it to take my mind off things. it worked for a little while. but now, i just want to cry. and did a little in my room. i feel really lonely, and i dont like it. i talked to g-ma. we arent sure when we will have time to go get my car licensed.
what do i know? on my own.
and now it seems that i have found- nothing at all.
wanna hear your voice out loud. slow it down slow it down.
i'm choking on nothing. its clear in my head. i'm screaming for something.
knowing nothing is better than knowing it all.
on my own. on my own.
i like that song. i've listened to it like 55,000 times today already. that and a lot of tech 9. :-) heh.
but, i guess. i'm going to go in my room and chill or something. bye.
|
|
| go whichever way the wind blows, those just tuning in i'm just letting you know- i'm a slacker |
[23 May 2004|09:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tech 9- Slacker |
] |
hey guys, i got a car! its a 91' ford taurus. heh, dont laugh. its a car. i'm supposed to get it licenced either tomorrow or tuesday. i have to talk to gramma.
i have practice today at 5:00. i should be going to sectionals for four things. hopefully. and i really want to go to state for the 800 relay. that'd be really cool. but whatever, i'm outta here.
|
|
|
[19 May 2004|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Hi. This is Jessi..." |
] |
Alright. Found a car. Corey's sisters car. 500$, fairly good condition. Personally, I dont care as long as it runs and I can drive it. I'm totally cool with that. I'm going to get Dad to look at it tomorrow because, well- I want it as soon as possible. Because- I'm very sick of not having a car. Its an 89' Buick SkyHawk. Now- I dont know what that means. But, whatever, I dont give a shit what it is. Its a car. And oh my, not a van. Eee. I'm so happy. I could have a car, soon. Very soon. I need one. Badly. Then I can like- rock out and stuff. And get a job! Because, I'm going to need money for gas cause its up to fucking $2.00! Thats just god damn rediculous. Stupid Bush. He's such a retard. Honestly, this is happening, and he's expecting to get into office again. Dumbshit, I tell you.
|
|
| tech tech |
[19 May 2004|02:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
headacheish |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tech 9- Einstein |
] |
alright, its 8th hour and i'm chllin' in the computer lab with some of mr. dassow's class. mrs. reynolds cleared me with mrs. c. i mean, i didnt do anything wrong, i was there practicing with a group. but, i guess amy and kristina werent allowed to go anywhere because they didnt have a concrete excuse. mrs. reynolds cleared them from a detention, but she let mrs. c decide what to do with anything else.
mr. dassow said he thinks i wont fail. because i was getting a c, and with the ammount of points we have had, i should be alright and not fail.
but, i guess. i'm going to look up some cool stuff because i'm a loser like that.
|
|
| make room |
[16 May 2004|09:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tech 9- Slacker |
] |
today we are going to see mom before she leaves. collin left- but the rest of us are going. we are leaving here about 10:30, i guess. then we are going to go grocery shopping afterwards. because we keep complaining about not having food in the house. :) uum. my face hurts.
i dont know what else i want to say. um, i guess i'll go then. bye.
|
|
| a small- a SMALL shake |
[15 May 2004|07:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tech 9- Einstein |
] |
Well- its about 20 minutes to 8 and i'm still waiting for alyssa to get home.
telephone. damn, its not for me. uum. i have to pee really bad.
well guys- i took the 100 meter hurdles! i was with the girl for the first three hurdles and i was like "what the fuck" and i just kinda took off- it was pretty cool. i didnt jump well- infact, no one did. our relay team took 3rd, i believe. all in all it was a good meet. the girls took 3rd- which isnt too bad.
i have such a headache, and my face/shoulders/the back of my neck and chest hurt. i dont like the sun very much.. and this just pissed me off. it hurts really bad. and we dont have any of that stuff to put on it so it feels better.
i fell asleep on the way home from the meet and then i tried to take a nap when i got home. but that didnt work and i dont want to nap now just in case alyssa calls. god damn my head hurts.
brittani was napping and a few seconds ago she was like: "oh! its night time?" hahaha. thats kinda funny, i know i've done that a few times before, it sucks because you dont know whats going on and then you start freaking out and stuff.
i think alyssa should give me the tshirt.
its 7:47 and i really want to go to sleep. but, whatever. i didnt need to get taped up guys! that means my leg is better and its just in time, too. we have a week off of meets, which means a whole lota conditioning. like, a whole lot of it. i'm a little scared because i just- do NOT like to do conditioning. the only thing i like to do is hills because it feels so good when you finish. i mean, it sucks during it, but then you can have fun on the way back to school.
i dont know what else to talk about. i'm just too bored to stop. you see, when i type it takes up time, and the more time i take up, the faster alyssa will get home. or something like that. am i just being dumb? i think so. i've been thinking a lot about college lately, and i dont know if i want to do it. i might do what ms stupid morgan said i should do- just go to a tech college. she isnt letting me take any of the classes i wanted to. like chemistry and geometry, she decided to put me into other classes because she thought i'd do better in those or something. god. i need to start working on my independant biology- i'll do that tomorrow.
welcome to absolute power, baby.
|
|
| conference |
[15 May 2004|07:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ready |
] |
OFF TO CONFERENCE I GO!
hopefully i'll come home with a conference championship.
i need to hit a high 16' for long jump. i NEED to. um.. hopefully i can break 16 seconds for the hundred hurdles. the 400 relay- i'm not sure how we'll do. and triple jump, i need to hit 31-32'. girls could take home conference, which would be totally awesome. Rosholt will be hard to beat, but we can do it. as long as everyone places. even if they get an 8th, that one point could decide how takes home the championship. so, we need everyone healthy, and everyone running and jumping well.
as you can tell, i'm excited about today. so far i'm undefeated- as far as i remember. heh. so- i have a good chance of winning since i beat everyone once already. i even beat a bunch of div. 1 schools. our team is doing so well this year, and next year.. fuck. those stupid 8th graders- i doubt if anyone will go out for track. they are all bitches. so- we lose amber, nikki, trina, jen pass., there are more. i just cant think of them. ok- i'm leaving, now. WISH ME LUCK!
|
|
|
[14 May 2004|05:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
20 Songs!!
On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing), and write down your favorite line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then, have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.
1. fresh skin is what i need. let it dry out in the woods- all your crying did no good.
2. baby whats that confused look in your eyes?
3. 1, here comes the 2 to the 3 to the 4- everybody drunk out ont he dance floor.
4. i could just watch you in your room.
5. she was all up on me screamin 'yeah'.
6. i'm falling apart in your hands, again.
7. you're a song, written by the hands of god.
8. and now it seems that i have found, nothing at all- wanna hear your voice out loud.
9. cause she loves me so and this i know fo' sho'.
10. i'm on the outide, i'm looking in.
11. damn right, its better than yours.
12. bia-biaaatch!
13. are you afraid of being alone, cause i am
14. on the devils wings..
15. all mixed up, dont know what to do.
16. my salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their underpants
17. when i drop dollas'
18. i love you, baby, but all i can think about is kielbasa sausage
19. i'm a slacker- everytime i take a look around- i'm a slacker.
20. you're not sure what you're looking for, but you dont want to no more.
|
|
| close the door |
[14 May 2004|05:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
alright
conference is tomorrow. i'm pretty excited. i'm doing the 100 hurdles long jump triple jump and the 4x100 relay. we broke the 800 relay on thursday.
um. aside from that.. i've been listening to A LOT of Tech 9 lately. i really like it, although i dont think my girlfriend likes it. but.. yeah. uuum. yeah.
i have to wake up at 6:00 tomorrow morning.
i'm outta here.
|
|
|
[08 May 2004|02:33pm] |
alright. so "brandi doesnt deserve a car" yeah, like you're around enough to be able to say that. you dont know how i am, and you dont know how i've been. you have NO clue whats been going through my head, so dont act like you do.
believe it or not, you arent the one i confide in, you arent the one i talk to, you arent the one who knows everything about me. so dont tell people what i do or dont deserve. and- wait- oh my god. the stupid brandi is back.
way to tell me everything will be alright, but stab me in the back.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sexybrandi's journal